Category Archives: Private Life

Back To Work Again

I have recently been discussing with my psychiatrist about my levels of stress and my mania, and probably I will be investigated for Bipolarity. I will also be exchanging a new medicine to my prescription. My psychiatrist thought I would be fit for work tomorrow, so now I am preparing with food, sleep and all that, you know.

A couple of days ago I brought some new drawing and painting material. Hopefully I will use it and develop my technique. Here’s a little surprise for you. I had almost forgotten about it myself. A special enchanted music lyric video for my Swedish Song “Kurdistans Sång.” Enjoy it and please come with some feedback on it!

Peace! <3

Dealing With Madness: Part – 2

So, here we go again. I am on sick leave again from work, due to my escalating levels of stress and my growing hypo-mania. This time, all my colleges at work saw the stress in my face and they noticed how bad I felt, so they recommended me to search psychiatric help. My boss himself, thought it was a good idea to take a break from work and rehabilitate myself during sick leave. I still feel kind of stressed, and it did’t get better when I lost one of m dearest friends from my life.

No, nobody has died, but she got angry at me, and by right, because I had been acting very badly towards her, which made her feel both uncomfortable and irritated. So she decided to remove me as a friend and block me, and the thing is, that I understand her. I have been quite extreme and stressful and a lot of my friendships has been lost as a result of that. This behavior gets even worse when I am in a stressed and manic or depressive period.

With this very expensive lesson, I hope that I have learned something and I hope to become a better person myself and act more in accordance with the social codes we have in this society. I have therefore decided to take serious actions towards myself.

  1. Stop mansplaining! Involve yourself in matters you understand and stop involve yourself in matters you don’t understand, especially when it comes to educating somebody in something he or she know a lot more about than you.
  2. Respect when someone says it’s enough! Shut up and step back even if it’s hard to do so!
  3. Don’t talk with your friends or anybody else about everything if you don’t know that they are okay with it!
  4. Think before you speak and express yourself clearly to avoid misunderstanding!
  5. Just because a person says it’s okay, you also have to use common sense in what you do or say to this person. Some people says it’s okay the first time, maybe even the second or third time. In fact some of them just don’t have the courage to say that you are acting inappropriate.
  6. If you are insecure and don’t know if your actions are okay to others, don’t do it at all. Your insecurity could actually be an indication that you are about to do or say something fishy!
  7. Be a gentleman. Off course we should have equality and treat men and women equally, but understand that there you might not always talk to woman exactly the same way you talk to your male friends. This is one of my weakness. I often talk to my female friends exactly the way I talk to my male friends, because I don’t treat women and men different, but here you have to use common sense and be a bit sensitive. There is something called men talk and there is something called woman talk and that’s just the way it is and it has to be respected!
  8. Don’t nuke your friends with new information before they even got a chance to respond to you!
  9. Don’t use social media to discuss sensitive matters, because it’s easy to be misunderstood in written text, since you cannot hear the intention of the voice.
  10. When you know that a friend of you have a little depression, don’t give him or her more reasons to be even more depressed!

I am very happy

64 page likes in 3 days! Wow, that’s good! Thanks you so much for all my new followers from across the world! The goal is set that my page will have 1500 likes before this weekend! If achieved, I have a surprise for you! Thank you!

Sorry that I look terrible today. I’ve had a bit of a minor stress period for some weeks.

Sorry that I look terrible today. I’ve had a bit of a minor stress period for some weeks.

What I’ve Been Up To

Hello there. It was a while ago I shared something of importance. In friday last week I started my weekend after a long week of extreme stress and new routines at work. We had to work in a speed we were not used to, but hopefully we would become used to it after a time, well if it wasn’t for me and my infection. I was tested positive for corona and I have been sick and in quarantine since last friday.

The first days were terrible. I was just sleeping and sleeping with pain in my skin and body and I didn’t eat anything. I just slept in high fever. Later, I got my apetite back and now I’m almost completely normal again. I am also regaining my sense for taste and smell. And today something happened. I’m actually getting quite mad of this quarantene, but today was the first day for a long time, where I actually missed my job. I miss it so much, to get some routines, having people to talk to, and going up in early morning and have something to do and some routines. So I actually look forward to start working again adventually. But first, this covid-infection has to be ridden out.

During my time in quarantine, I have been working with the re-writing of my novel. But this time I’ve actually taken the time to start with a mind map and a synopsis. Now I have a clear picture of what kind story I want do write. And that’s a good start. Now I just have to start write it as well. I have also taked the time, to impvove and expand my fantasy map, and deleted my music from Spotify to upload it here on my blog instead.

Tomorrow and the rest of the quarantine I will hopefully start drawing some stuff for my novel as well. It was a long time ago I was scetching and drawing. I look forward to do it.

My whole family is also recovering from Corona, especially my mother who seem to have a more aggressive covid than me. Hopefully she will recover soon and my family will hopefully recover any time to return to a normal life. I hope so. Because this is making us all quite nutz.

Peace

Maps And Many Other Things

Howdy! I’ve been working digitally with my world map for several weeks by now. I’ve also edited some of my music. Here’s the result. An overview of my map with my own music in the background. Enjoy!

A Promise

In new years eve, I made a promise. I would stop eating and drinking candy, chocolate and soda completely. I kept the vow for about an hour in the year of 2021. That’s the ygly truth.

However, there was some glimpses of light. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that I had lost over five kilos in only a few months. But after a break from my work, due to my mental health issues, I noticed that I started to consume even more sugar again. Today, on this day, I have gained all the kilos that I had been losing the last months. I feel like shit. Especially now after I recently have eaten my last meal of candy and soda for a long long time.

Now it’s time again. From sunday 00:00, I will completely stop eating candy and drinking soda. All chocolate, soda, lemonade, cookies and chocolate will go to hell. Except for pancakes off course. Home made pancakes. It’s time to make some change. I will start go out and walk every day. And when spring comes, I will go out bycicle. And when this goddamn pandemic is over, I will start go to gym.

My dentist said that I already now have got burns on my teeth, due to all the soda I’m drinking. Now it’s time for change. I will save thousands of Swedish crowns per month by doing this. Off course, it’s easy to say this now, when I’m satisfied after a big sugar bomb. But I’m actually starting to get tired of it all. This shit gotta go.

I have been starting to write on a novel and I write a lot nowadays. Just like before my great hypo-maniac depression that started in summer 2012. I will write and write and be creative just to stop thinking of chocolate and coca-cola. I have to.

No coca cola
No chokolate
No cookies
No lemonade
No soda
No candy

Instead I will eat proper meals that makes me satisfied

More fish
More chicken
Less pork
Less beef
Less milk
More eggs
More vegitables
More dark bread
Less white bread
More fruits
Less potatoes and fries
No dinners at restaurants or pizzerias
No sweets, soda or candy
More walking
More cykling
More workout at the gym
More creativity
More sun
More sleep
More teethcare and teeth brushing

Another friend to me

Here’s the post for today, then. I have a very close friend, who I ironically, have never met in real life. We have written to eachother since late 2018, I think. And we have also been speaking by telephone. Milou Lindeberg is her name. She is quite an odd and diffucult person, which makes me like her even more! I like strange people with similar interests.

I think Milou sent me a friend request somewhere in 2018 or 2017. In the beginning, we were not very close at all. She was just a Facebook friend among others. But we began to come closer to eachother due to Milou’ss personal struggles with certain people or the internet tail of these people.

Milou is a jew with a very sad and dark past. I don’t want to go in to details about that here, but shs been through hell yhrough her whole life and what didn’t kill her made her stronger. I have always been with her when some nazi, islamist, leftist or right winger were against her. In late 2018, we became a great duo of real friendship and loyalty.

It’s not easy being a jew today, not in Sweden either. The antisemitism is wide spread across the globe, amongs right wing extremists, nazis, muslims and even leftists. The antisemithic propaganda can be hard to identify, if you don’t know about it’s history and how it has developed.

In the late 2018, Milou appeared accidently in the Swedish fake journalist and online hater Joakim Lamotte’s live video, where he had gathered a lot of people in Uppsala. Lamotte calls himself a women right defender, but that’s only if women agree with his view on criminality in Sweden. Lamotte just happened to film Milou, who just happened to be right at the place where Lamotte was filming. Even if she begged Lamotte not to film her, he continuing filming her. She knew that she would get in trouble, because people that critisizes Lamotte, mostly women, often get hanged out on his page with over 200 000 followers.

And that’s exactly what happened. Milou was identified by the nazi movement “Nordic Resistance Movement”, for wearing a David’s Star in her necklace. Her adress was shared amongs nazis and she got several visits with nazis painting Swastikas on her front door and throwing pig blood in her appartment, forcing her to move to another city long from Uppsala.

It was in this moment, that I really suffered together with Milou. I called her for the first time and we were talking about what the hell we were going to do. Milou has similar diagnostics like I have, but some even worsa that I cannot relate to. But we are always there for eachother when someone of us have a hard time. Milou is very funny and kind and she shares some interests with me. She paints, draws, and even make live armour and clothing. She loves Harry Potter and I love The Lord Of The Rings. And we are both trying to become writers.

Some years ago, Milou met another friend, Daniel Lernherde, which is a former nazi that have made up with his extremistic past. Now they have an own page: “The Ex-Nazi and the Jew” and they are travelling across Sweden and educating people about nazism, racism, antisemitism and hatred. Can you imagine? A former nazi, and a jew, together travelling around and educate about racism and antisemitism? It’s kinda cool, and admirable, isn’t it?